Once upon a time, over a decade ago I used to say I didn’t believe in love but as typical with most love stories, there he was and there I was. He knew and had loved me before I was even aware of his existence.
If you know me well, you’d know how squan squanish i can be referring to my melancholic nature but he was quite the opposite; consistent, gentle and patient in his love.
It wasn’t unusual for me to be indecisive when he made his intentions known. He wanted me and I like to think he needed me. One minute I got him thinking we were good, an item and the next minute I was trying to evaluate what we had and wondered if I was crazy to think it was real. Some days I was excited to share my dreams and could not help with the thoughts and conversations while he listened. Other days, I wondered why dream in the first place yet through it all he listened, never considered my doubts nor doubted my abilities to achieve what I set out to.
Looking back, I like to think that the first time I acknowledged him was when I had to deal with life’s first blow- I was finding it difficult and it seemed impossible to get into a University. My relationship with my folks had gone through some moments of high and low. I had only one friend I could pour out my frustrations to and considering the fact that she was in the same boat as I was, understood me completely yet thanks to maybe the dopamine stimulation at that age I longed for that special someone and relationship.
So with boredom and nothing much to do, I began noticing him and before long we started engaging in some conversation. It was easy to just spill everything, there was no fear in dreaming with him, no shame reminiscing over things. I loved the attention. plus I could be vulnerable with him.
I tell people the good thing that came out of my waiting for my admission into University was getting to know and meet him, at least a bit. And when the admission came through, I was elated and as I informed him, he wasn’t the least surprised, he knew it was going to happen and his smile reassured me that I was indeed going places.
I didn't think much of how things would be when I got to school. I tried not to think so much about it especially because I wasn’t confident enough to call what we had anything other than “thing”, well maybe friendship. So to the friendship, yes I hoped to be faithful and committed but y'all know life happens...
To be continued
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